Good parenting

Yelling is sadly still part of my mommyhood.
And I am not proud of it.
But alhamdulillah it is not a major part though still there.

But somehow, when I yell, things went a different tune.
At one point, AQ2 boleh pergi mandi sendiri, pampers rolled up kemas.
Different bila when I don't yell, nak get to masuk bilik mandi pun mcm sinetron (panjang but xdelah drama mana pun, just panjang)

Senang cerita, yelling comes in a package with obedience.

But, good parenting is seen in the behaviour of the parents. Not that of the kids.

So, macam mana?

And adding on lagi, the more connected you are, the better cooperation you get.
Abiding and cooperating tu, lain kan?

Help

In this era of blue ocean and even the current red ocean pun, help is just a click away, a phone call away, a walk in visit away.
There's more help and services in the market than what we would hope for and sometimes even more than what we need.

But if you seek for help, naturally, people will help.
Sometimes irregardless to wether or not you really do need help.

Take some time to observe and learn about your own capabilities and need for help.
Of course, from the correct sources.
Be it in terms of health, housechores, breastfeeding, car care.

You should know what you need, your options, what you can do on your part, what you should do, what you want to do.

Fay, empowering you.
Haha.

Disorder

For every disorder, there must first be an order.
Who sets the order?
Which sets anything out of that to be a disorder.
Who sets the order?

Who has control?

Who has control?

Do you always have to coordinate your breathing?
No.
But you can.

Do you always have to coordinate your thoughts?
Yes?
No?
Can you?

Allah Alhafizh.

Bahagian masing masing

I have been having these thoughts for quite a while.
Definitely after becoming a mother.

Bahagian masing masing.
Tests, yang Allah kasi pada kita, untuk kita.

And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.

Purpose of creation, illa liya'buduun.

Every blessing is a test.
Your test, for you.
Whatever you give, is for you.
Your responsibilities, you carry out, for you.
No one owes you anything.
We owe everything to Allah.

You gave birth, that is Allah's test for you.
Responsibility yang Allah kasi dekat you.
You raise your children, responsibilities Allah kasi dekat you.

Carrying out all those responsibilities, is on you.
Lillahi ta'ala.

Bukan supaya anak nanti "balas jasa" you.

Same goes with semua yang lain.

Habluminallah, Habluminannas

The necessity of having a balanced relationship with The Divine and also fellow human beings.

Pun your responsibility.
No one owes you anything.

Lillahi ta'ala.
Lillahi ta'ala.

At own risk

Indeed, you're a "different" person depending on siapa the person you're faced with.

But this guy, decided on marriage with the idea of me as his ever annoying, serabut boleh tahan, self-centered boleh tahan best friend.

And slowly, after became "girlfriend" ada moments where he felt was given more consideration as compared to masa "bestfriend" and remarked "oh lain eh Fay as girlfriend".

But the decision was definitely before that transition.
And we know, looks is not a priority.
Harta pun xde.

And as things became more crazy lately, I asked "kenapalah u kawin dgn I kan?"
To which he answered "InsyaAllah I tahan seumur tahun"
😍

Semoga berbaloi.
May Allah bless.
I am worth it.
Haha.

Alhamdulillah.

Rest

Time to pump.
The things working moms fight for.

I get my time to pump for my 1st and 2nd baby.
Twice at work.

Literally take time to pump.
Screen prescriptions, leave for others to fill, then countercheck after pump.

Lebih kurang macam tu.

But for my 3rd, work jadi crazy.
New portfolios.
Multiple hats.
But coping well.

But can't afford time to pump.
I pump depan PC.

But this week, PC rosak.

So time to pump is time to pump.
And rest.

May Allah ease.

Coping

Being away from husband comes with lots of coping.

Husband always reminds me to let go, not to put all eggs in one basket.
And to bertenang.

Which is macam only partially possible.

But here's how I cope now.

1. Carseats.
Very very very big part of coping. When things felt too much, let's get into the car. And drive around. Sometimes memang tak pegi mana pun.
And many times, daripada cranky, jadi tdo along the drive.
Sometimes we go for drive thrus. (Which leaves a mess sometimes, though)
Or sometimes we drive off to Maktok's house, Mak Uda's house, just to get out of the house.

And, they're safe, duduk elok sebab buckled and mommy touch-free.

2. Laundry.
Can't help much sbb I am very particular on how the baju being folded, the smell of detergent, pairing up baju, asing baju ikut siapa punya. So, this part I (struggle sket) handle.

But, ironing, all hantar dobi.
Weekly costs me about RM20. (Yes, me sebab my own baju kerja je)
And drop off/pick up baju, park depan dobi, quick in and out while kids dalam carseats.
Engine turned off.

3. Dinner.
Mostly beli dari kedai kedai. With kids in carseats. Quick turun order and most times the kedai people would be sooo nice to send the food to our car. And while waiting  we chitchat. Then dinner's ready.
Mind you, sangat lain chitchat sambil masak. Haha.

Once or twice pernah meal prep, but I need a free weekend for that. And our weekends tak free dah 3 months and counting now.

Cost-wise, beza lah bila husband masak. Haha.
But there's many options cost-wise.
This one kedai, if I order mee hailam 2, the 2 portion of me boleh masuk dalam 1 portion kuah. So another 1 portion kuah, kita just tambah mee next day ke bila ke.

4. School/nursery.
Our eldest now dekat tadika near our home.
While the other two dekat taska near my workplace.
Transport semua on me. Struggling a bit tak nak punch card merah everyday. But boleh lah, and ada ease of mind knowing semua sampai safely mommy drop tadi.
Though bila balik, I would nervously check carseat "janganlah ada budak tertinggal" 😭
Nauzubillah.

5. Breakfast.
Once in a while we get to have breakfast at home before keluar for school/work.
Cereal lah. Ok je diorg.
Sometimes I pack fruits/sandwich masuk dalam bag diorg.
Sometimes lah, jarang sangat.
Sometimes sempat beli tepi jalan.
But tadika/nursery ada breakfast. So this is just mommy trying to tebus mommy guilts.

6. Cleaning/Dishes/ebm bottles
I do what I can on and off.
But real cleaning, panggil maid datang.
Roughly RM100 sekali datang settle semua luar dalam.
Tak dapat once a month pun sbb weekend selalu busy.

But now, trying something new, weekly 2 hourly maid.
We'll see how that goes.

7. Outings.
Our outings limited to rumah Maktok (20mins away), family events yang we know ada banyak extra hands and eyes to tolong tengok.
Or one more two kid friendly restaurants yang mommy rasa boleh handle.
If nak pergi malls etc, Cikby jadi sidekick.

8. Rindu suami.
Nangis.
Hahahahahaha.
WhatsApp kan ada.
Tapi bila internet kapal tepape, hmmm.
Xpelah. See ada 7 benda lain to distract from no 8.
But of course lah. No 8.