Ini bahagian kita.

Secretary.
Ada meeting on Thursday.

Mommy.
Janji playground hari Rabu kalau tak hujan.

Sunday, hantar kereta for repair.
Pakai second car.
All carseats transferred.
Selasa, kereta ready for pickup.

So, tak dapat nak arrange amik selasa.
Arrange dengan jiran for Wednesday to tumpang AQs while go amik kereta.
Ok, jiran kata ok.

Come Rabu.
Go through prep for meeting dengan boss sampai 6pm.
Tinggal meja however it is, pickup kids, pegi playground. Alhamdulillah sempat.
Then dinner tempat nearby. Alhamdulillah manageable.
Then balik hospital solat maghrib.
Then otw back, jiran call needed to go clinic. But confirmed back, still can tinggal kids dgn husband jiran.
Sampai rumah, mandikan semua.
Requested grab.
Dapat driver, terus message nak install 1 carseat.
Nak bawak AQ3.
Driver kata ok, alhamdulillah.
Driver sampai, hantar kids sebelah, AQ3 nak tinggal pulak.
Ok, x bawak, x install carseat.
Baru masuk jalan besar sket, husband jiran call, nanes.
Mintak grab patah balik.
Sampai, pasang carseat dulu, baru amik AQ3.
Rupanya, bukan nak ikut mommy. Nak mommy duduk dgn dia.
Angkat saja, letak dalam carseat. Nangis pun nangis lah. Tapi kejap je.
Sampai nak pickup kereta, dukung AQ3 nak alih carseat.
AQ3 takmo letak. 😭
Grab driver tolong angkat carseat masuk kereta, paid, said thank you banyak banyak.
(Semoga Allah bless him banyak banyak)
Masuk kereta dgn AQ3 yg xmo letak. Sambil sebelah tgn pegang, lagi sebelah pasang carseat.
Memang turned front facing sbb senang nak pasang. Takut seatbelt grab x cukup panjang.
Drive balik, AQ3 tdo.
Biar dulu dalam kereta, pergi rumah sebelah, get big boys.
Pujuk, reason, balik now.
Sabar, mommy.
Malam AQ3 jaga byk kali, cranky x beragak.
Long day.
Long night.

Come Thursday.
Puasa.
Meeting.
Alhamdulillah, went well.
Habis cepat.
Tapau dinner.
Ijah and Zs came over for dinner, buka puasa, makan kuih.
Main main.
No yelling.
Rumah sepah.
But hearts filled, InsyaAllah.

Friday.
Rumah still sepah tu.
Pegi kerja.
Balik kang pk.
And need to transfer back sume carseat.
Esok kot.
Wash dulu.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal.

Words

When you want to put down your thoughts in words.
Just for you.
Tapi macam xde tempat yang orang wouldn't find it.
But you don't want that.
Tapi x larat keep.

Struggle

Sepatutnya.
Put semua pada Allah.
And always always always, Allah first.

Nak mengadu, nak berharap.
Allah first.

Allah je yang tak tired.
Manusia tired.

You get tired of your struggles.
And people get tired of you and your struggles.

At this point, dah x sure where is the starting point.
But one with a timestamp is 20/12/17
Of one admission. Preceeded with a successful ondeh ondeh cake runner story.
Yet to be discharged, came another admission on 23/12/17.
Discharged well on 26/12/17.
Reviewed and all meds stopped. 3/1/18
Sambung with school attire hunt and car service + maintenance on the same day.
Sambung first day of school 4/1/18
Then 2nd day of school but first day of work after a long unplanned leave with 2 schoolgoing kids.

Whatever in between is a hazy mess.
With deadlines, handling school orientation emotional rollercoaster.
Then come weekend. Another visit for neb.

Allah ada.
Allah ada.
Allah ada.

I feel like I have to put this mess in my head into something tangible but malas, x mampu, x mahu.

Allah ada.
Allah tahu.

Allah knows all about me.

Good parenting

Yelling is sadly still part of my mommyhood.
And I am not proud of it.
But alhamdulillah it is not a major part though still there.

But somehow, when I yell, things went a different tune.
At one point, AQ2 boleh pergi mandi sendiri, pampers rolled up kemas.
Different bila when I don't yell, nak get to masuk bilik mandi pun mcm sinetron (panjang but xdelah drama mana pun, just panjang)

Senang cerita, yelling comes in a package with obedience.

But, good parenting is seen in the behaviour of the parents. Not that of the kids.

So, macam mana?

And adding on lagi, the more connected you are, the better cooperation you get.
Abiding and cooperating tu, lain kan?

Help

In this era of blue ocean and even the current red ocean pun, help is just a click away, a phone call away, a walk in visit away.
There's more help and services in the market than what we would hope for and sometimes even more than what we need.

But if you seek for help, naturally, people will help.
Sometimes irregardless to wether or not you really do need help.

Take some time to observe and learn about your own capabilities and need for help.
Of course, from the correct sources.
Be it in terms of health, housechores, breastfeeding, car care.

You should know what you need, your options, what you can do on your part, what you should do, what you want to do.

Fay, empowering you.
Haha.

Disorder

For every disorder, there must first be an order.
Who sets the order?
Which sets anything out of that to be a disorder.
Who sets the order?

Who has control?

Who has control?

Do you always have to coordinate your breathing?
No.
But you can.

Do you always have to coordinate your thoughts?
Yes?
No?
Can you?

Allah Alhafizh.

Bahagian masing masing

I have been having these thoughts for quite a while.
Definitely after becoming a mother.

Bahagian masing masing.
Tests, yang Allah kasi pada kita, untuk kita.

And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.

Purpose of creation, illa liya'buduun.

Every blessing is a test.
Your test, for you.
Whatever you give, is for you.
Your responsibilities, you carry out, for you.
No one owes you anything.
We owe everything to Allah.

You gave birth, that is Allah's test for you.
Responsibility yang Allah kasi dekat you.
You raise your children, responsibilities Allah kasi dekat you.

Carrying out all those responsibilities, is on you.
Lillahi ta'ala.

Bukan supaya anak nanti "balas jasa" you.

Same goes with semua yang lain.

Habluminallah, Habluminannas

The necessity of having a balanced relationship with The Divine and also fellow human beings.

Pun your responsibility.
No one owes you anything.

Lillahi ta'ala.
Lillahi ta'ala.